Many people don’t enjoy their wealth. Here’s how to get them ‘unstuck.’

If I had to point to one thing that’s made me successful as an advisor, it’s this: I’ve never thought of myself as being in the finance business. I’m in the relationship business. Numbers matter, sure, but clients don’t stay with me—and they certainly don’t refer friends and family to me—just because I can build a great financial plan.

They stay because they know I care about their entire lives—what excites them, what stresses them out, and what keeps them up at night. Financial wellness is just one leg of a three-legged stool. The other legs are physical and mental wellness. If one of the legs is shaky, the whole structure wobbles. And if an advisor isn’t paying attention to all three, they’re not doing right by their clients.

That’s why my conversations with clients start with a simple, “How are you?" And it isn’t in a surface-level way. I genuinely want to know what’s going on in their lives. Are they staying active? Are they lonely? Have they lost passion for things they once loved? Do they feel like they’re actually enjoying the wealth they have built?

Money and happiness. Here’s a reality that many advisors miss: Just because someone has a lot of money doesn’t mean they’re using it in a way that brings them joy. I have worked with clients terrified of spending a dime. One would avoid booking nonstop flights to save money even though layovers their quality of life. Another would skip dinner—not due to intermittent fasting but because it’s the most expensive meal of the day.

At the other extreme, I’ve seen clients who are compulsive spenders. They tell themselves they’ll rein it in next year, but next year comes and nothing changes. Carpe diem is a good philosophy up to a point but clients who constantly hope for a better tomorrow to solve today’s excesses can wreak havoc on their financial futures.

Neither extreme is healthy. The real goal isn’t necessarily to spend the least or the most, it’s to spend in a way that aligns with what makes a client happy and fulfilled. And that’s where we, as advisors, can make a real impact.

Pickleball paradigm. One of the most rewarding things I do is help clients get “unstuck." Some are stuck financially and they are too afraid to enjoy what they’ve built. Others are stuck physically. They are out of shape and lacking the energy to do the things they love. And many are stuck mentally, feeling bored, isolated, or like they no longer have a real purpose.

Our job as advisors is to get them unstuck. That could mean encouraging a client to finally take that big family trip they’ve been putting off. It could be nudging them to upgrade to first class this time after constantly saying “next time I will treat myself."

It could be helping them find a hobby like photography or gardening, or getting them to join a gym or even hire a trainer. One of the best cures I’ve seen lately? Pickleball. I can’t tell you how many clients have come to life after picking up the game. It offers physical activity and social connection at a cost that does not require a new line item on the financial plan. You can hear it in their voice when they talk about it. They’re energized, engaged. They have something to look forward to again.

The right questions. As an advisor, the first step to getting clients unstuck is to ask better questions. Don’t just tell them, “Here is how your portfolio is doing." As them, “How’s your life going?" It’s not just, “Can you afford this?" It’s “What are you looking forward to most?" And don’t just ask, “Are you on track financially?" Ask: “Are you living the life you actually want?"

As clients open up, often in unexpected ways, you’ll realize that half the time their biggest stressors aren’t about money but about their kids, their relationships, their health, or their purpose in life. By helping them understand what’s in their control and how to let go of what’s not, you empower them to enjoy the wealth they have built.

When clients walk away from conversations with you feeling lighter, more confident, and excited about their life—not just their portfolio—you know you’re doing something right. They may have hired you thinking it was time to lean into their money, but a good financial advisor also helps them lean into life.

Brian Parker, CFP, is the co-founder and managing director of EP Wealth Advisors, a nationwide RIA founded in 1999. He works with executives, professionals, athletes, and entrepreneurs and is involved in EP Wealth initiatives focused on financial literacy, women’s programs, and charitable giving. He also sits on boards focused on youth programs in education and sports, along with health and wellness.