Recall moments of joy as the year ends
Reflecting on positive moments, practicing self-compassion, and nurturing connections can help navigate this bittersweet time
The year coming to an end feels like a bittersweet time for many people. As a therapist, I have observed an increase in the number of people who reach out at this time of the year. Existing clients talk about a magnification of feelings of loneliness, anxiety and low mood. The absence of relationships or the pressure to make decisions related to intimate relationships seems to get exacerbated. For those who have lost a loved one or experienced grief in other ways, such as the loss of a friendship or struggles in an infertility journey, year endings are a reminder of the absence and longing for those they have loved or desired. This is also where very often people find themselves struggling with hope, community and re-evaluating decisions.
As a result, therapy work largely focuses on acknowledging what is emerging and holding space for these feelings. Since it’s a time of celebration, for many clients and friends, it is hard to even recognise what they are feeling and they experience guilt for not being happy.
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In sessions, we help clients develop a tool kit to navigate this time. Structure, self-soothing and social support can be pillars we rest on when grief emerges. The year ending and the beginning of a new year are grief activators—a time when we experience feelings of loss with increased frequency and deeper intensity. Volunteering, choosing to make plans for weekends and watching art or cinema that’s calming can help.
I use this time to work with clients to introspect on the events that brought them happiness and joy. Consciously looking back and revisiting moments that brought us satisfaction or happiness allow us to see things with a certain perspective. We seem to forget the memories and moments of the first few months of the year and are more likely to remember events that we experienced recently.
Using December, and sometimes even January, to look back gives us a chance to savour the joys we had and experience nostalgia, which can be energising. I ask clients to talk about a decision that had the most impact on their well-being and overall mood state during the year. This is both rejuvenating and reminds one of one’s accomplishments, however large or small.
Early this month, I asked a 29-year-old this and he said, “Two months back I made a choice to stop seeing short-form content on social media and it’s as if I suddenly had more capacity to concentrate, focus and felt less overwhelmed. It felt like I got my superpower of attention back. While it wasn’t easy at all and I still fear I may slip into the pattern of checking such content, I feel good about myself."
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Another client told me how they put to practice something we talked about in therapy: when in doubt, don’t send a message or post on social media. They felt that it allowed them to regulate their mood and emotions better and offered a moment to process and respond rather than react.
I personally have found that the decision I made to invest in social fitness—deepening relationships and building community—has allowed me an opportunity to pause and feel re-energised. It has created pockets of deep connection, which are anchoring and feel like a warm hug on dark, difficult days.
At the core of my work at this time of the year is to help clients focus on extending tenderness to themselves as they look back at decisions that didn’t go well or decisions that they feel should have been taken. While it sounds simple, it’s hard for people to be gentle with their own self. One can be tender with oneself and yet accountable—they both can co-exist.
Finally, I feel we all need to become aware of our own tendency to put December and January on a pedestal, and instead develop more realistic expectations.
Sonali Gupta is a Mumbai-based psychotherapist. She is the author of the book You Will be Alright : A Guide to Navigating Grief and has a YouTube channel, Mental Health with Sonali.
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