The benefits of connecting with people IRL
Staying away from devices and engaging in person with others can help you experience a sense of aliveness
I spent the past few days in the hills, celebrating a milestone birthday of my uncle. The three days I spent with family was nourishing and fun. Returning to the city I realised that this social connection allowed me to break a pattern of being wired and tired. It elevated my mood and brought a sense of vitality. As I geared up for the week ahead, I wondered what it would take to sustain this feeling. I looked through research papers that explore narratives of social connections, vitality and collective effervescence.
Since the pandemic, our reliance on technology and our phones has significantly increased. Whether in offices or in social settings, people end up being on their phones rather than engaging with one another. As a result, even though we may be surrounded by people, we experience social isolation. That’s why a celebration in the hills where there was limited network and a shared purpose allowed me and everyone else to be fully present, talk, maintain eye contact, engage in conversation, stay away from our devices and have fun together.
To maintain this, we need to learn—as a family and at a structural level as a society—to mindfully create such spaces.
A client recently told me about chancing upon a café where phones weren’t allowed during a trip to Europe. The experience proved to be deeply satisfying and provided social connection as he felt that he had a place to read quietly, talk to strangers, and most importantly, feel present in the moment. It enabled him to feel less anxious and experience a sense of lightness and freedom.
Social connections experienced through in-person interactions have a different flavour and comfort compared to the ones we have in online communication. An in-person interaction allows for deeper conversations, more space for pauses and silence and the beauty of non-verbal cues, which speak so much more than words on certain days.
Also read: Are you ‘flourishing’?
A client in her 30s tells me how one of her close friends shares posts and memes on social media regularly, and while she enjoys it, she hasn’t met the friend for the past six months even though they live in the same city.
My client says, “I crave conversation and time spent in person. Although we are in touch online, I feel lonely and these exchanges feel superficial. I have begun to wonder if both of us perceive friendships differently at this life stage." Since the client was feeling disillusioned, I suggested that she bring this up gently with the friend over a call.
Our sense of aliveness and intimacy is also linked to people’s presence, and how spending long periods of time together and sharing activities and experiences make us feel.
Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University in the US, speaks often about the importance social connections for emotional health. Her 2023 research paper, From Loneliness To Social Connection: Lessons From Research And A Global Pandemic, has played a big role in addressing how social isolation and loneliness can be risk factors for early mortality.
Our communities, friendships and intimate relationships allow us to experience belonging, be seen, and most importantly, receive and give love and affection, which in itself is healing. Those of us who live in cities and work remotely, need to mindfully build time for social interactions, including micro-interactions with strangers.
This means scheduling time in one’s calendar to deepen existing friendships and communities and choosing to be present for our friends and family regularly, not just during a celebration or a crisis. Being socially connected and developing close relationships is an antidote to loneliness and a source of hope which we all need, given how uncertain the world feels.
Sonali Gupta is a Mumbai-based psychotherapist. She is the author of the book You Will be Alright: A Guide to Navigating Grief and has a YouTube channel, Mental Health with Sonali.
Also read: Make room for joy in life
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