Many men are dressed badly on dating apps. How to make a better first impression
Summary
‘Cuffing’ season, in which many singletons seek a mate for winter, is here. But why do so many guys flub their outfits on Hinge and Raya—and what should they wear to steal hearts?
LOUISE NISTLER, a 32-year-old New Yorker, estimates that only 10-15% of the men she comes across on dating app Hinge could be described as well-dressed. According to Nistler, a data scientist, some guys “look like they’re trying too hard," posing in garish shirts and fussy accessories like fedoras. Most, however, show themselves in ill-fitting shirts or worn-out polos—as if they “haven’t been shopping since high school."
Photos of guys in mismatched suits or squeezed into too-tight tees are rife on apps such as Raya and Hinge, says Hannah Kitto, a client-relations manager in London. And don’t get the 29-year-old started on the number of bathroom selfies co-starring toilets. Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men in Austin, Texas, called out jeans with flip-flops, and stained tops, as serial dating-profile offenders: “I’m like, ‘Dude, seriously? You literally have dinner down your shirt.’"
These women acknowledged that it might seem shallow to swipe left because of a bad outfit. But on an app—and, indeed, on a date that might eventuate—first impressions count. Sporting subpar looks on your profile is a missed opportunity, notes Anderson. Nailing those outfits “gets you past the first hurdle" and can create more chances to chat, she said.
Looking for love? Now’s the time to up your game. “Cuffing season," the colloquial term for the post-summer period in which many singletons seek a mate for the colder months, has arrived. (“Cuff" alludes to handcuffs—i.e., shackling yourself to a paramour.)
Men on apps should think twice about the message they’re sending with their clothes, says Michaela Murray, a New York stylist who advises guys aged 20 to 60-plus on their dating-app outfits. “Casual [outfits] might say ‘I’m down to earth,’ ’’ she said, while a more formal ensemble, like a blazer over a turtleneck, could suggest you’re a man who “enjoys the finer things in life."
Jordan McFarlane, the managing director of an educational nonprofit in London, says a good profile outfit can make him think a guy is “invested and reliable, and that they care." To the fashionable 32-year-old, such a look might feature timeless items interspersed with pops of interest. Socks in bright solids—not novelty prints, he made clear—make a “basic outfit snap."
On Hinge, users can “like" individual photos. The most popular shot on McFarlane’s profile features a layered outfit fit for the cuffing months. He’s wearing a white T-shirt, a sage-green half-zip sweater, a navy puffer and stonewashed jeans with turned-up hems. Kelly-green socks, trendy Adidas Samba sneakers, a vintage baseball cap and round tortoiseshell glasses up the personality. He thinks the look attracts attention for its relatable and wholesome vibe.
Indeed, approachability is key. For a swipe in the right direction Anderson recommends exercising restraint, advising that you start with a clean, white crew-neck tee. Tuck that into dark jeans, which read sharper than light ones, says Peter Nguyen, a personal stylist in New York. He often puts guys in trousers from Officine Générale that sit slightly higher on the waist, to elongate the legs. Add an understated black leather belt, he says.
Nguyen, who often advises men about date outfits, emphasized that this isn’t about erasing individuality. But he recommends playing up quirks that feel grown up and appropriate. Into rock ’n’ roll? Reach for a leather bomber. Avid gamer? Instead of wearing cartoonish T-shirts, grab quality versions with small, playful motifs from a brand like Maison Kitsuné, says Nguyen. Another way to beat blandness: Add a bit of bling, such as a box-chain bracelet, a chunky signet ring or a vintage watch.
Several pros find wildly patterned shirts too divisive and advise men to stick to solid shades or understated prints (a classic ticking stripe is always good). But you can still have fun with shirts, insisted Nguyen, who praises brighter greens and blues as safe bets that complement most skin tones.
Don’t let yourself down with the shoes. Avoid flip-flops at all costs, stressed Anderson—“unless you live in Hawaii or are actually on a beach [in the photo]." She suggests pulling on Chelsea boots from Aussie brand Blundstone, which read as hardworking and sturdy. White leather or canvas sneakers look easy and unsloppy, says Murray; go for Stepney Workers Club, Koio or even simple Vans.
Any hard-won style gains could be undone by a cringe setting. Nistler begs that you resist the urge to post a clichéd photo brandishing a freshly caught fish. She finds hiking shots a much cooler way to telegraph outdoorsiness. And please don’t upload pictures of yourself with 10 friends, says Kitto—your potential suitors don’t want to play “Where’s Waldo?"
Universally appealing scenes? Strolling in a park or playing with a dog. Just make sure the puppy’s paws haven’t stained your shirt.
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