Mother’s Day 2025: How women diagnosed with severe ailments cope with motherhood

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Iyer couldn’t speak, but even in her voicelessness, her sister sensed the numbness creeping in. Iyer was only 33. A mother of a toddler. And now, a cancer patient. The surgery marked only the beginning. Ahead lay a labyrinth of radioactive iodine therapy, total isolation from her child, and months of tests, uncertainty, and guilt. “You’re not allowed to touch anyone, not even hand them a glass of water," she recalls. “And when you have a toddler at home, that kind of isolation is unbearable."

BEING A MOTHER AND A PATIENT

Across the country, more women are telling stories like Iyer’s of postpartum joy intertwined with life-altering diagnoses. These are stories of mothers whose initiation into parenthood was shaped not only by sleep deprivation and feeding schedules, but by surgeries, chemo ports, and psychological dislocation.

For Bengaluru-based Debolina Mukherjee, the diagnosis came just weeks before her daughter’s birth. “I noticed anomalies in my blood work during a gestational diabetes test," says Debolina, who has a background in biology. “My CBC was off, and I raised the alarm." After multiple tests and a bone marrow biopsy, she was diagnosed with leukemia. Her response? “I had the weekend to process the fear and emotion. By Monday, I was clear: I’d make the decisions. I’d drive my treatment. But first, my daughter had to be safe." 

Her daughter was born premature, and within days, Mukherjee began chemotherapy. She missed breastfeeding her newborn, despite a full milk supply. “That’s been the hardest part," she says. “I couldn’t hold her, care for her, or even be near her in those early months. I was a mother in name, but my body and time belonged to survival." 

“This is a profoundly vulnerable time," says Dr. Sameer Malhotra, senior director and head of mental health sciences at Max Super Speciality Hospital, Delhi. “A new mother is already adjusting to enormous hormonal changes, emotional upheaval, and shifts in her identity. A simultaneous life-threatening diagnosis adds trauma to transition."  The immediate psychological impact can be staggering. “We see sleep disturbances, panic anxiety, and deep guilt," he explains. “Women feel robbed of the opportunity to experience motherhood in the way they imagined. There’s a feeling of ‘why me?’—a protest of the universe."

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Dr. Mannan Gupta, chairman and head of obstetrics and gynaecology at Elantis Healthcare, New Delhi, echoes the sentiment. “It’s not just emotional dislocation—it’s a shattering of the self. Imagine stepping into motherhood and then being told you might not live to see your child’s milestones. That kind of fear can fracture a woman’s psyche." 

FIGHTING IN SILENCE 

For Mukherjee, physical comforts were ample—her hospital had good food, supportive staff, and high-quality care. But emotionally, she felt abandoned. “I would sit in my room, watch TV, FaceTime my family. But being away from my baby? That was a pain nothing else could touch." The feeling of being ‘trapped in a 5-star prison’ is more common than one might think. Vidya too recalls the days feeling hollow during her radioactive iodine therapy. “I was entirely isolated for 12 days. Couldn’t even flush a toilet the normal way. Couldn’t see my daughter. Couldn’t smell her hair, touch her skin."

Both Mukherjee and Iyer speak of the invisible labor of emotional resilience. “People kept telling me, ‘Be strong, be positive.’ But sometimes, strength is just showing up, breath by breath," says Mukherjee. “It’s not a heroic journey. It’s survival, often in silence." 

Guilt runs like an undercurrent through these mothers’ narratives. Guilt for not breastfeeding. Guilt for missing birthdays. Guilt for not being “present." “I missed her first day of school," Iyer says. “And I tortured myself over it. But the truth is, children don’t keep score the way we think they do. It’s a phase. Not a sentence."

Dr. Nidhi Sharma Chauhan, a consultant obstetrician and gynecologist at Mumbai’s Saifee Hospital, points out that postpartum blues are common, but a concurrent illness can deepen them into full-blown depression. “Sleep deprivation, hormonal fluctuation, and self-doubt already create a fragile mental state. Add a serious diagnosis, and it can push even the most resilient women into despair."

LIFE IN AN EMOTIONAL LIMBO

There is something profoundly disorienting about having to be both a mother and a patient. One role requires boundless giving; the other demands focused receiving.  “It’s like living in emotional limbo," says Dr. Malhotra. “These women feel they must be nurturing, but they’re also physically and emotionally drained. This dualism leads to conflict, self-doubt, and sometimes even self-loathing." Dr. Gupta calls this a “conflict of character." “As a mother, you’re expected to be selfless. As a patient, you must advocate for your needs. Most women find it impossible to reconcile the two."

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Iyer remembers pleading with her doctor to reduce her isolation. “I told them, I need to be with her. I have to be with her. It wasn’t even a request. It was a cry from the core of my being." 

While all three experts agree that post-traumatic growth is possible, they caution against romanticizing it. “Not all pain becomes the purpose," says Dr. Chauhan. “But yes, some women do emerge more self-aware, more grounded, more appreciative of life’s fragility."

Mukherjee reflects this. “I no longer entertain nonsense. My daughter made me tougher. I survived because of her." Iyer adds: “There’s a strange kind of reparenting that happens. Cancer taught me how to mother myself—through grief, guilt, and healing."  

NEED FOR A POSTPARTUM MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM

All three doctors identify systemic gaps in India’s postpartum mental health system. “There’s no integration between maternity and mental health care," says Dr Gupta. “Women are discharged with checklists for diapers and feeding schedules, but no psychological screening."

Dr Chauhan regularly counsels families during late pregnancy, warning them of the emotional rollercoaster that lies ahead. “But how many hospitals are doing this? How many partners or grandparents know what postpartum depression looks like?" The absence of therapists, particularly in tier 2 and 3 cities, compounds the issue. “Most women are never screened, never offered therapy, never told their sadness has a name," says Dr. Malhotra. “Instead, they’re told to count their blessings."  

Twelve days after her radioactive treatment, Iyer’s iodine levels had dropped enough for her to return home. She walked in, weak but elated. Her daughter ran to her, arms wide open. “I told her I have a story to share," Iyer says. “Maybe not today. But someday, when she’s older, I’ll tell her everything."

This Mother’s Day, we celebrate not just motherhood, but the quiet resilience of women who mother in hospital gowns and chemotherapy chairs. Who cradle their babies in dreams while hooked to IV lines. Who redefine strength not in Instagram captions, but in the private, powerful moments of simply surviving. As Mukherjee puts it: “I’m sorry it’s tough. But you’re tougher than you think. You’ll find a way. Because you always have."

Divya Naik is an independent writer based in Mumbai.

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